I want to write down my birth story for the twins before I forget too much about it! It was hard and I want to remember that I went through this hard time and got through it. The twins are now 3 months and I have learned SO much spiritually, physically, and especially mentally. (Now they are 16 months! I wrote this so long ago and never posted it.)
Now this is a warning: if you are pregnant and scared of birth- you might not want to read this 🙂 If you want to continue, just remember that this was a twin birth AND what I went through is rare! My first birth with my singleton, Calvin, was easy, breezy, beautiful- covergirl. Jk. But it was a lovely birth. Sad that I didn’t journal it- I plan to write what I remember in another post. Always have positive thoughts because it goes a long way! Even though this was a hard birth- I think back on it with positive feelings.
I had a rough last few weeks of pregnancy. I had pupps that covered my whole body so I couldn’t sleep because of the constant itching. I was measuring 44 weeks even though I was only 34 weeks pregnant. I was measuring ten weeks ahead and was measuring 47 weeks when I actually delivered. And my skin hurt so bad. I was in a complete, dazed state when my sister, Anika, came to my rescue. She took care of me and my two year old, Calvin. My mom joined shortly after to join forces. It was so much fun to have them here and to prepare for my cuties. I’m not sure what I would have done without them.
I had already gone to the hospital a couple times with contractions and they would send me home so I really didn’t want to go to the hospital unless I was going to, for real, have the twins. I had been dilated to a 4 and 80% effaced for a few weeks. It was Sunday, the 19th, and I had a c-section planned in the morning since I hit 37 weeks that day but I started slowly leaking fluid. I thought I had just a lot of discharge (Gross, I know. But I’m going to get detailed in this post so only keep reading if you want to!) So I changed underwear and kept going throughout the day. Then I sat on my mom’s air mattress we had set up for her and when I got up there was a huge wet spot. I thought “maybe it’s my water?” I went to the bathroom and there was a little more tinged with blood. That’s when I got ready to go! I thought it was going to be like my first birth where the contractions started slowly and gradually intensified. I thought I had plenty of time so I decided to shower my dirty hair, shave, and get completely ready. Then we left to the hospital- still no contractions though.
Once we got to the hospital and in the hospital gown that’s when my water completely broke. It started getting gushy. Not sure if that makes sense. My doctor checked me and once he put his fingers in, water literally splashed out! It was such a weird feeling. It gushed out then! He’s like, we’re definitely having these babies today! It was so exciting! I found out both baby’s heads were down so we were going to try for a vaginal birth.
My contractions started right then. It wasn’t like my last birth though. They were immediately intense. I asked for my epidural but they said it would be awhile because they had to get my blood work back first. I said that was fine but I just wanted to let them know I wanted it soon. Contractions started getting really intense and painful. They wheeled me to a different room and by then I was gripping onto the bed and moaning- trying to find my happy place and just focus. When we got to the room I told them I already had the feeling to push soon. This was all in the span of about 2 hours. The pain started getting so bad I started to beg for my epidural. When they told me he was still about ten minutes away I started to panic. I couldn’t imagine doing another ten minutes but I knew I had to. I tried to stay in control of my pain.
I was crying and in the most pain I’d ever been in. I always imagined that if you were in enough pain- that you would pass out. I’m surprised by how much pain your body can take and still be conscious. Now this is going to sound corny, but I don’t care- Ceth ( my husband ) kept talking me through it and all I did was remain silent and stare at his eyes. I focused on his eyes like nothing else and I just kept thinking how beautiful and Blue they were. That was my focus.
Finally, the anesthesiologist came and we kept trying to get me into position but the contractions weren’t a “come and go” thing. They were constant pain with no relief. Finally, he was able to give it to me but to my dismay- it didn’t work and I felt the immediate need to push. I kept telling them, “I need to push now! I need to push now!” They kept telling me to wait. They started wheeling me to the Operating Room to deliver. (When you have twins the chances of emergency c-section are high, so you need to deliver in there.)
The pain was unbearable at that point where I had no awareness of my surroundings. I was rambling in prayer out loud to help me. I know this sounds super dramatic but it’s what happened and that’s how much pain I was in. It was like a constant contraction at it’s worst. I’m not leaving anything out!
My sweet midwife, Eva, was comforting me. I kept asking, “Is my epidural going to kick in?! I have to push but I need it to kick in more!” She calmly told me that it wasn’t but that I could do this. I started whimpering but I knew that I had to push soon as my body felt the overwhelming urge to do so. Fortunately, the epidural started to take away my back contractions. I could still feel my stomach contractions and everything down in my lady parts though. Unfortunately, the epidural worked best on my left arm. I couldn’t move it. That’s what you want from an epidural, right? No feeling in your left arm?
Embarrassing part here for all you moms that need the comfort if this situation arises for you. I felt the need to *poop* when I was wheeled into the operating room. Yep. I told my doctor and I was like, “I’m so embarrassed!”. He just laughed and told me, “Well, I have to poop too so that makes both of us.” Ah, Doctor Comer. You are the best. I appreciated it!
I salute every mom who chooses a natural birth. Because I would have never chosen this. I know that many moms have been through worse and I really just don’t know how you all do it. I just remember it burned like nothing I could have ever imagined and that I would never do this again. I felt like I just couldn’t but I knew I had to keep pushing if I wanted it to end. I started yelling, “Just cut it! Just cut it!” I was trying to tell them to give me an episiotomy to get Baby A out but no one was answering me. I really wish I could tell you how spiritual I was and how spiritual everything around me was, angels singing, etc., but I’m not sure anyone could hear anything but my yells of cuss words. The S word seemed to be my favorite. Several “Shit! Shiiitt!” bombs throughout the entire delivery. It helped me cope, okay?!
Well, the ring of fire is nothing I could have ever imagined. Eventually, I pushed out Baby A- Ty! He was doing great! Right when he came out I felt relief down in my lady parts. They immediately started checking on his breathing in the room and Ceth went to his side. I started pushing just a couple minutes after for Baby B- Waylon. He wasn’t coming though. His heart rate started dropping and I could hear it on the monitor which freaked me out. They gave me Pitocin and as hard as I could push- I just could not push him out. The epidural had then worked a little more in that area so I couldn’t feel my muscles pushing as hard. Still in pain! I would have loved- loved is a strong word but we will go with it- to keep pushing but Waylon’s heart rate got too low as he was in a bad position.
The heart rate started to get too low for Waylon and it was a whirlwhind. Doctor Comer said he needed to get him out right then and started the incision. I didn’t even have the sheet separator up. I still had all the feeling in my front area so I could FEEL it. Without the epidural working on my stomach or frontal region at all, I could feel the incision and them stretching it open. It was horrible. I started yelling “Oww!” over and over.
Dr. Comer told the anesthesiologist to give something to me. Finally, the anesthesiologist caught up and put something over my mouth that helped and I was subdued. I heard Waylon’s cries and they told me everything was okay. I kept asking if he was going to have brain damage from his low heart rate- I was so worried about that but they kept comforting me. My sweet twinnies had been born!
All in under 4 in a half hours from start to finish. They were 18 minutes apart. Ty, Baby A, was born vaginally at 5 lbs. 12 oz. Waylon was born emergency C-section at 5 lbs. 2 oz. Both healthy! They did offer PTSD counseling to both Ceth and I as they described it as a traumatic birth but we really were feeling good.
Ceth was my companion and the best person I could have during all of this. He always is. When I went for my post partum check up the doctor wanted to compliment him because he could tell our marriage was strong and he was so impressed with Ceth. He knew I was in good hands. He also wanted to check to make sure I wasn’t having nightmares of the birth. I kind of laughed and told him I was doing great. I really was so grateful for all that he did. I wouldn’t have wanted him to wait for me to be medicated for the cesarean because he knew Waylon needed to be out and I will always be thankful for that! He is a healthy boy!
I always said I would never share horror stories of births because I always wanted to be the positive person. I hated whenever someone shared it because what good did that do? Well, looking back at this I can confidently say I’ve learned so much more during these hard times than when life was a little slower. Even though this experience was incredibly hard, I have learned that does not mean it was a negative experience. It was a positive, great, miraculous one!
After the birth we discovered a marking on Waylon’s back that we suspected was Spina Bifida. If you’d like to hear about my post-partum recovery, Waylon’s journey, and our time after then you can keep reading into our part 2!
That night, after the twins were born, in the hospital I remember waking up to Ceth talking to a doctor. They were talking about a marking on Waylon’s back that was Red and White. It looked like a thin membrane instead of skin. They suspected Spina Bifida- it was not caught on prenatal ultrasounds. He was going to be sent to a hospital in Charlotte- 30 minutes away into their NICU for confirmation.
I said goodbye to my sweet Waylon as he was transferred to Charlotte. Ceth went with him and visited him every day in there. It was confirmed that he had Spina Bifida and they were going to further evaluate him and let us know.
Despite the stress of this, we all felt really peaceful about it. I knew he was going to be okay. I just hated that he had to go through this.
When they called to tell me he had to have surgery I started bawling. I was so sad for him and sad I couldn’t be with my baby who I had only been with for a few hours. I was so grateful that Ceth and my mom visited him when I couldn’t.
I was discharged with Ty and we started the road to recovery. Waylon’s surgery went well and he was recovering in the NICU. They had a webcam up for me to watch him but I could only take a look at it once at night because it would make me cry. I’d be so worried he’d start crying and I couldn’t do anything. It’s making me emotional to write about this and I’m so glad we made it through. I went and visited him and nursed him everyday. It was amazing- I could feel Waylon’s presence so strongly. I’ve never felt something like that. I could physically feel his strength every time I visited him. He was such a strong spirit and it brought me so much comfort. I knew he was just fine. He was only there for a week when we got to bring him home.
Now, I forget he even had Spina Bifida. He has no limitations- full leg movement. I am so grateful for everyone’s prayers and thoughts. I wish I could tell everyone how much their texts, messages, and prayers meant but we were pretty busy with everything. We felt such peace throughout the whole long, yet short experience.
He still gets checked regularly to make sure his spine doesn’t re-tether. If it does then he will just need to do the surgery again- which we’ve learned is definitely do-able. He’s a champ! My little Waylon. How do I not write a post on how darling each of my sweet boys are?
If you want to read about the recovery from the birth- keep reading below.
I pulled a stitch trying to pick up Calvin and recovery was ROUGH. My sister, Aisley, had to help me put on my jeans even. I remember she gave me a massage to help ease the pain of those pesky gas bubbles in my shoulders in my lumpy-body state, sitting up, in all my post partum glory, and I fell asleep while she was doing it. haha. I probably traumatized her for life. My mom stayed for six weeks and I needed her every minute! Fed us healthy dinners, cleaned the house, took night shifts, did it all.
Recovery is no joke. I would sometimes just freeze while walking because I was in so much pain. I couldn’t do anything without the help of someone. The pain meds and recovering made me so tired the doctors would start talking to my mom in the middle of a conversation with me because I would start to doze off.
Ceth started having tooth pain and had to get his wisdom teeth pulled. We then had to take Ty to get his circumcision. (Waylon had to wait to recover from surgery) There were four of us recovering from surgery! lol. Thank goodness for my mom and Aisley. It was so sad when they had to leave!
Once they did leave, we got a stomach bug. One more thing to recover from. Then we got a call saying that Ty didn’t pass his newborn screening for a metabolic disease. (Ended up being a false positive.) And the worst of it? We got bed bugs from one of Ceth’s hotel stays from a school interview. We literally had to clean everything and basically move out for a week while we stayed at my in laws. So much more but I won’t burden you all, haha.
So I’m recovering from c-section and stomach bug, we are literally running off of 3 hours a sleep a night, (not in a row!), worried about both of my sons conditions, wisdom teeth, circumcisions, Waylon’s surgery, trying to breastfeed both babies, and a whole lot more, it was so much. But we were doing it! (Looking back now that the twins are 15 months- I don’t know how Ceth and I were living with so little sleep and like 13 times of waking up at night!)
I’m not writing this to brag about how crappy it was. Seriously, it was weird. Nothing was going our way but at the same time it was amazing how the Lord blessed us with peace and with the ability to take care of ourselves and our kids while running off of no sleep and these trials. Seriously, we had blessings ROLLING in. I wish I would have kept a journal of them all. I’ve learned that I can do anything! I keep saying it, but I have learned so much!
Eventually, life went back into routine. Admidst the struggles we were going through, we were being blessed even more so. Ceth got into PA school! (Amazing news we got to hear while we were in the thick of it!) Our boys were healthy and recovering! I was recovering! And, guess what? I’ve discovered that I’m pretty good at this twin mom thing!
I absolutely love being a mom to these three boys. I genuinely love it! I find confidence and fulfillment. I’ve learned to love the chaos and find order in it as well. I feel like I have my life more together than I did beforehand. Our marriage has grown even stronger. Here are only some of the things I have learned:
- There are always more blessings than trials.
- Hard times teach us in ways easy times can’t. It brings steep growth and confidence!
- Hard does not equal bad!
- I like being challenged. I love embracing where I’m at in life and embracing my family right now.
I could keep writing but I’m sure I’ve already lost most of you. I know that this was crazy long. I didn’t expect any of you to make it so if you did- you are awesome. This is mostly for me so I can remember everything and say, “I did that!”
My birth was hard and good. Recovering was hard and good. Life is hard and good and I really love it.
So many blessings that I’d love to all fill you in on but they keep coming so it’d be a never ending blog post.
I can’t believe I wrote this over a year ago!! Calvin is now 3 in a half years old and the twins are 15 months! So insanely crazy. We are in PA school in Charleston, SC and we are absolutely loving it. We are thriving! If any of you are twin mamas or becoming twin mamas- hope you were able to take some positive vibes from my birth experience despite it being hard. Twins are seriously the best. I feel like we are past survival mode (sometimes.. haha) and on to just enjoying all of it. Love these brothers.